Digital Ischemia

14/07/2017

Cold Call: Day 1

A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers.

SOUND: PHONE RINGS
LACRIMOSA: Good morning, Fetish Warehouse. How may I whip you?
SìMON: (D) Er, is that Mrs McIver?
LACRIMOSA: McIver, McIver; no, don’t know that name. Does she go by anything else?
SìMON: What do you mean?
LACRIMOSA: Does she have a ‘professional’ name?
SìMON: Oh, no, I really don’t think so.
LACRIMOSA: You’d be surprised.
SìMON: Sorry, who did you say you are?
LACRIMOSA: Fetish Warehouse, Linlithgow. Open twelve till nine, for all your pleasures and pains.
SìMON: You’re joking?
LACRIMOSA: No, not here; no fun; just the serious business of pleasure and perversion.
SìMON: You still never said who you are.
LACRIMOSA: Twice now: Fetish Ware—
SìMON: No, you: what’s your name?
LACRIMOSA: Oh, right: Lacrimosa.
SìMON: Fancy.
LACRIMOSA: Means I bring tears to your eyes.
SìMON: I’ll bet.
LACRIMOSA: What’s yours? Name, I mean; we’ll get on to your preferences.
SìMON: Er, Sìmon.
LACRIMOSA: Simon?
SìMON: Sìmon. It’s, er, it’s from all over eastern Europe really. But I’m just from Stirling.
LACRIMOSA: That must’ve been a treat at school.
SìMON: No’ as much fun as yours.
LACRIMOSA: How’d you come by it?
SìMON: My mother had some mad continental ideas.
LACRIMOSA: And your father?
SìMON: Forfeited any say in the matter by passing out. He was still getting gas and air by the time mum had chosen my name and was on to tea and biscuits. Claimed he was overcome by the fumes of her slathering herself in lavender.
LACRIMOSA: Bless. And who is Mrs McIver to you?
SìMON: A friend of my aunt’s. She’s no’ well—my aunt—and I’ve to tell Mrs McIver her ward number so she can get the bus up.
LACRIMOSA: Oh, oh, I’m so sorry. The number here is 8433. Lots of folk misdial – well, they over-dial – I don’t know, they seem to have sticky threes. So maybe you’re after 843 something else?
SìMON: That’ll be it. Although I’m disappointed if Mrs McIver isnae one of your temptresses.
LACRIMOSA: Temptresses! You should tell your aunt; might give her a laugh. I mean, I don’t know if she’d find it funny.
SìMON: Probably would actually. Probably wet hersel’ laughing at me for a numpty.
LACRIMOSA: I hope she feels better soon.
SìMON: Thank you. Thanks for the… tears.
LACRIMOSA: You’re welcome, any time.
SìMON: Oh, OK. Bye.

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18 Comments »

  1. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 2 | Digital Ischemia — 15/07/2017 @ 17:40

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 3 | Digital Ischemia — 16/07/2017 @ 16:09

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 4 | Digital Ischemia — 17/07/2017 @ 16:19

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 5 | Digital Ischemia — 18/07/2017 @ 19:32

  5. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 6 | Digital Ischemia — 19/07/2017 @ 16:54

  6. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 7 | Digital Ischemia — 20/07/2017 @ 18:04

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 8 | Digital Ischemia — 21/07/2017 @ 17:06

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 9 | Digital Ischemia — 22/07/2017 @ 16:21

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 10 | Digital Ischemia — 23/07/2017 @ 17:22

  10. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 11 | Digital Ischemia — 24/07/2017 @ 16:07

  11. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 12 | Digital Ischemia — 25/07/2017 @ 16:45

  12. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 13 | Digital Ischemia — 26/07/2017 @ 16:11

  13. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 14 | Digital Ischemia — 27/07/2017 @ 17:12

  14. […] A series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 15 | Digital Ischemia — 28/07/2017 @ 16:55

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 16 | Digital Ischemia — 29/07/2017 @ 16:16

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 17 | Digital Ischemia — 30/07/2017 @ 16:54

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    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 18 | Digital Ischemia — 31/07/2017 @ 17:09

  18. […] The last in a series of telephone conversations where truth comes away in layers – begins at Cold Call: Day 1 […]

    Pingback by Cold Call: Day 19 | Digital Ischemia — 01/08/2017 @ 16:22


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