Digital Ischemia



a bunch of carrots

Tap, tap, tap.  What am I?  Not a bird at the window, although I am.  Not one-finger typing; my typing finger has frozen rigid.  At 22 degrees celsius.  I am the insistent distraction of invented conversations in my head, trying to get out.

Hello from Kinross-shire in Scotland (county motto: no, not Fife).

Kinross-shire is only slightly larger than Kinross, mostly because of that awkward hyphen, which makes it about the size of a supermarket carpark. Indeed, it is often an unwilling pawn when the Monopolies & Mergers Committee gets involved in takeover bids. Loch Leven is in Kinross-shire – you can imagine it as the permanent flood puddle at the far end. Nobody parks there (except when Christmas Eve falls on a Saturday and hyperconsumerism eats itself) because of the unfortunately unforeseen funnel effect of the warehouse, the motorway slip-road and the recycling bins forming a wind-tunnel of Arctic intensity. However, it is considerably more picturesque, if you can blink away the tears.

I live at the three-way, er, intersection between Kinross-shire, Clackmannanshire (another carpark; less attractive) and Fife (ruined by industrial pollution and people trampling all over it; needs detaching and floating off into the North Sea – easier than you would think due to being perforated by mines). Don’t reach for the map: this curious intersection doesn’t exist according to Google Earth. Go on then: follow the satellite images from Kinross until you encounter grey blocks. This is the Blairingone – Yetts O’ Muckhart – Cleish triangle (don’t try to pronounce these place names at home). The absence of any attractive tourist-type information is deliberate ploy to save this most gorgeous rural area for its few inhabitants (non-human particularly), thank you very much.

a bunch of purple striped carrots

my fingers

I have studied Mathematics, Ecology and Cognitive Psychology. I have worked as a trainer in retail, IT and Environmental Science. Who cares? Ah, but these eclectic formative experiences eventually revealed a passion for Ecopsychology! What sort of new fangled nonsense is that? Well, thank you for asking: it’s the study of human psychological dysfunctions arising from our disconnection from nature, and ways to reconnect to achieve sustainable behaviour. Marvellous.

I like wurds (not a typo; that’s Scots). I read, I write, usually with some eco snuck in somewhere. Maybe not so much writing as the pencil can’t keep up. I type, I tap, I dictate; fact, fiction, funny. There’s a hoolie in ma heid.

I like radio: inspiring music and captivating drama –  using sound alone to convey a story appeals to my sense of purism. Inevitably I try to emulate by creating audio scripts, to use the different medium in telling the story: the very fact that the audience can’t see offers opportunities for mystery and misdirection. Others call it unnecessarily cryptic and over-complicated.

snail on window pane: slow movement

the mind is half way across the galaxy before the body has shuddered out of inertia

That’s all lovely, but why don’t I have a proper job? Drat. Scintillating of mind, feeble of body. Health issues unfortunately limit my travels and, frankly, my ability to remain upright, hence hoolie in heid. Dandy. Ish.

Thank you for reading. Comments are welcome.

If it helps, my generous previous reviewers have found it necessary to contact me directly to divest themselves of enumerated paragraphs pointing out the flaws in my haverings.


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